The first year of living together is full of firsts: the first shared lease, the first argument about the dishes, the first holidays split between two families. Then, almost without noticing, many couples slip into a comfortable routine. Dinner in front of a screen, separate phones in bed, conversations that are mostly about groceries and bills.
“That is completely normal and not a sign that something is wrong,” says Ana Lindgren, a couples therapist in Riverton. “But routine needs a counterweight. Couples who keep feeling close usually do it on purpose, not by accident.”
Turn chores into time together
One of the simplest suggestions is to share tasks rather than divide them. Cooking dinner together, for example, turns a daily chore into half an hour of talking, joking and working as a team. Lindgren recommends at least two evenings a week when the meal is cooked and eaten together, with no phones on the table.
The kitchen is underrated. Two people chopping vegetables and arguing about how much garlic is enough are on a date, even if they don’t call it one.
Ana Lindgren, couples therapist
Stay curious about each other
After a year, partners often feel they know everything about each other. Therapists say that is rarely true. Asking new questions, about childhood memories, plans for the next five years or what made the other person proud this week, keeps the relationship growing.
Some couples try a regular check-in: a short weekly conversation about what went well, what felt difficult and what each person needs. It sounds formal, but many find it stops small irritations from piling up.
Protect time apart, and time out
Living together does not mean doing everything together. Psychologist Daniel Mertens of the University of Elmbridge points out that time apart, with friends or on a hobby, gives partners something new to bring back home.
At the same time, couples need moments that feel different from everyday life. That does not have to mean expensive dinners. A walk in an unfamiliar part of town, a picnic or a weekend without plans can do the job.
“Novelty is one of the strongest drivers of attraction,” Mertens says. “Doing something new together reminds you why you chose each other.”
If the same tensions keep returning or communication breaks down, therapists advise not waiting too long to seek help. Many problems are easier to solve in the second year than in the tenth.
Comments 3
Cooking together got us through a tough winter. Highly recommend the no-phones rule.
Two evenings a week without screens is harder than it sounds!
The weekly check-in sounded silly to me at first, but it really works.