The first weeks with a newborn are supposed to be happy, and often they are. But they can also be overwhelming, lonely and frightening, and many new mothers hide how they feel because they think they should simply be grateful. Experts say knowing the warning signs, for mothers and for the people around them, can make a real difference.
Baby blues or something more?
Most new mothers go through the so-called baby blues: sudden tears, irritability, anxiety and mood swings that usually start a few days after birth. They are linked to rapid hormonal changes and lack of sleep, and they normally pass within about two weeks.
Postnatal depression is different. It affects roughly one in seven mothers, can begin at any point in the first year and does not go away on its own.
If the low mood lasts longer than two weeks, or gets worse instead of better, that is the moment to talk to someone. It is not weakness; it is an illness, and it can be treated.
Johanna Weiss, midwife at a maternity clinic in Riverton
Signs to watch for
Possible warning signs include:
- feeling sad, empty or hopeless for most of the day
- losing interest in things, including the baby
- constant worry or panic attacks
- being unable to sleep even when the baby sleeps
- feeling like a bad mother or a burden to others
- withdrawing from a partner, family and friends
Some mothers also have frightening, unwanted thoughts about something bad happening to the baby. These are common with anxiety and do not mean a mother will act on them, but they are a good reason to ask for support.
How partners and family can help
Partners are often the first to notice a change. Practical help, such as taking a night feed, cooking or simply giving the mother time to sleep, matters a great deal. So does listening without judging.
Ask how she is, not just how the baby is. Many mothers tell us that was the question nobody asked.
Dr. Leon Adeyemi, perinatal psychologist in Elmbridge
Where to get help
Talk to your midwife, health visitor or family doctor. Treatment can include talking therapy, support groups and, when needed, medication that is compatible with breastfeeding. Most women recover fully.
Rarely, a mother develops a severe illness in the first weeks after birth, with confusion, hallucinations or very unusual behavior. This is a medical emergency: call emergency services or go to the nearest hospital straight away. The same applies to any thoughts of self-harm.
Comments 3
The point about asking how the mother is, not just the baby, is so important. Sharing this with friends.
Thank you for writing about this so calmly. It really does get better with help.
I wish I had read this three years ago. I thought feeling like that was normal and waited far too long.